Top 7 Tips for Summer Tour

7. Stretch both before and after drum circles to avoid injury.

6. Never miss a Sunday show.

5. Never miss a show whose date numerical values sum to a number that is divisible by either 1 or 2.

4. Never miss a show, probably, unless you have a dentist appointment, because your teeth need to last you a lifetime, unless you can afford dentures. If you can afford dentures, then never, ever miss a show, even for the dentist.

3. Sneak a sofa into the venue in your pants and it will feel just like you’re home on couch tour.

2. Be sure to capture all the concert action on your shitty smart phone so you can prove to Facebook that you were even there, sofapants.

1. If after the show you forget where you parked your car, don’t panic. Just wait until every other vehicle has left the lot and presto: the last one left is yours!

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